I've kinda been away from the blogs, not so much physically but for health and mental issues. Life does that now and then with me, puts me away where it's hard just to exist, let alone do anything beyond coping with the situation and circumstances. And while those circumstances haven't been all that serious compared to other people, it's serious enough on top of genetic Dysthymia. And so what created this?
Or enough to say? Well for one I've had problems now going on 2 years, and mostly of my own choosing to avoid a lot of medical intervention ending in the same, "Well, this test didn't work or help, let's try this..." diagnosis, with my digestive system. But it's also a problem going back over 25 years when it first decided to pick me to make life, food and eating a problem.
In short, it doesn't like to work or likes to work too well. You can fill in the picture and connect the dots. Either way it just tires me out and leaves me frustrated and angry in addition to being tired. Yes, I've had the preliminary test for the obvious and the lab tests for the hidden, and ever so slowly we're getting closer, when I go back for more tests and put up with telling the same story to a new specialist or doctor.
And through it all, while I have a great primary care physician, we still have to go through the hoops eliminating each possible cause in a general order. Or I pay for anything I think might be the case, jumping the line of inquiry. But it is keeping any drugs to a minmum along with their side effects. That's about all that needs to be said for now.
The second is that I took a tumble and fell up the stairs and now have a right leg that varies between intense pain and a low throb, a hip pointer. Yeah, I didn't see a doctor as I didn't think I hurt myself. Everything started two-plus days later and went over the top two days after that and is only now fading, albeit ever so slowly, as hip pointers do.
Now falling down is ok and shouldn't be something to worry about, but this was the first time, and being 60, it did something even close to this let alone this, where walking and standing is painful some of the time, and just a throb the rest of the time, at least for now. Anyway, life does that to you from time to time, just push you down, or rather you fall down, and it hurts.
So, as you can see, it's not serious let alone disasterous, just me falling into a mental hole and not getting out. But I'm slowly getting better, despite the setbacks where I can focus on the issues, work and project in front of me and slowly get back into life and work. And reviewing the list of things to do, from life, work and the Website, it's a lot.
On top of that I still have an apt with pieces of projects scattered around. Seven boxes of records to find the 30 or so a friend wants in iTunes. A lot of photo equipment ready to sell, after getting Web pages up with descriptions with photos. A Website long overdue for updates and upgrades - mostly with the Mt. Rainier photo guide and history projects.
And then one shower was found to be leaking through the tiles. So now, it's sort out that with the apartment manger and maintenance chief to decide what they want to do and when. It's one of those things when you begin tearing out things, things start to look worse than you imagined, and after 40+ years, the building has had problems with aging, water (roof) damage, use and just wear and tear.
Add that to the stuff of life which finds us not matter where we hide, and it's just a normal, self-created, overwhelming life. At 60 no less. I retired to enjoy life and have, or did for the first two years and still have the last two, only less so with the continued health issues problems. Besides, aren't well allowed to bitch about life now and then. Who's going to listen anymore, so why not just blog about it and be done?
So what's in store now? First, more doctors appointments and tests. Like sooner than later. Then get back to the simple things of life. Sweep the floor as the Buddhist like to say. and also work on the Website and Web projects getting things updated and then plan for more serious work, which is most of what's left.
And lastly, look at the future, something I haven't done in awhile.
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Your absence was definitely noted in the building. Glad you're back.
ReplyDeleteIs it genetic? I wonder. My father and grandfather seemed sad, but i was too young to notice really. dysthymia sucks.
ReplyDelete- Aeron
http://aeronswalk.blogspot.com/
In my case it was diagnosed as probably genetic since I've had it from childhood and although the family won't discuss it, let alone admit it, it runs in my family (father, brother), including suicides (nephew) and simply giving up on life (father, brother).
ReplyDeleteThanks for your blog, I have read some of the books but didn't know about the Dysthymia Medical Guide. I have all the major books specifically on Dysthymia, and most are clinically based for professionals, and not much help for sufferers beyond knowing what they think and may likely do or recommend.