The hardest thing when you have a medical condition doctors and specialists can’t identify - meaning no cause, no diagnosis, and no treatment - is being so angry at them you can only take out on yourself for feeling so stupid to trust them to cure the problem and heal you. And you can’t express your anger with them because they can’t, and sometimes won’t, do anything and only treat you worse because you expressed your frustration at the whole medical system and them.
Don’t they understand and follow the Hypocratic oath to first do no harm, when doing nothing is harm, and to keep trying is what they’re supposed to do, to help the patient become better? So you take your anger out on yourself for feeling so stupid to trust them, and violate the same oath about yourself to yourself, first do no harm, because you’re the only person who’ll listen and understand. They won’t and don’t.
You’re the only one your anger sees. You’re the one who expresses it and receives it, knowing how misplaced it is, but who else is there?
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